"I Am Not An Entrepreneur."
I lost my interest in driving initiatives that I don’t believe in… While I stand by and watch wasted lives accumulate as their spirits thin.
False inclusion, similar faces, unheard voices, and a resounding lack of purpose. No future, no point… my being here is cancerous.
Monthly certifications demonstrating control. We are diverse…we are compliant… we are a team… we have a soul!
Are they serious? What a joke! They keep feeding bullshit, God damn I’m provoked.
Then I remember inspiring moments from over a decade ago. To solve humanity’s problems, once I am in the know.
My faith and inner beliefs know I have a higher calling. But how do I climb again, when I’m so tired of falling?
Systems designed to limit my power. No matter what I’ve become, my attitude sours.
The corporate machine sees no end… For, my individuality and authenticity constantly bend.
More procedures mandated, just so those in power can stray. The humor never ceases, but the disgust conveys.
Nightmares and stress from the dreams of my youth. Hypocrisy to the point where lies become truth.
Think outside of the box, so long as I stay in their lines. Meet “your” goals, even though they were always theirs and never mine.
Time ticks… the years go by. Why I am waiting, I’d rather die.
Conviction is meaningless when I’m surrounded by sheep. Metrics defined and approved, but unwritten promises will not keep.
“You were brought in because of your expertise.” But, I need to make sure I fall in line because all I have to do is please.
Someone else always knows better. Apples become oranges because a senior voice writes a letter.
“We foster growth and want you to shine.” How about action… not just another line?
Ignorance is rational, the dollars make sense.
It is working (yet it’s really broken), and that’s the single defense.
Speak up… because no one is listening, until my very words are echoed. Now there is reason, but I exist solely in the shadows.
The proof is in my data, but irrelevant due to content. I can’t possibly have the solution… but, either way, my political capital is spent.
Millions of dollars gone to waste - and all they had to do was listen. I’m a broken record at this point, but they don’t stop dissin.
But, wait until next year to speak the same. Keep quiet and do as I’m told, so I can rebuild my name.
Maybe it was my delivery or my attitude that caused them to ignore. Nevertheless, resources have been drained and the business is poor.
Everyone has an idea, yet none align. My closest colleagues flee, to better spend their time.
Should I stay or should I go? I’m miserable and decisions must be made. Pathetic that I had more job satisfaction when I was in 12th grade.
The search begins under the cloak of silence. Defeat after defeat, almost makes me want to resort to violence.
Depression sets in and every day becomes a struggle. Career paths and aspirations are no more, but rather a puzzle.
Lost. Stranded. Disheartened… to say the least. Until that dream opportunity surfaces and I think I’m about to celebrate with my last feast.
It all falls through and I’m at my bottom. When is my time to prosper? Will I ever blossom?
Well dammit… back to square one. Every day a constant reminder of that other job, and how it would have been so much fun.
I pray to God to make me whole. I work on side projects to get full, for every minute spent in purgatory leaves me cold.
Is this what my life will be? So what to do now? I have no idea, but I need to be wowed.
I will just keep my head down and keep going through the motions… While I may be physically here, there is no devotion.
I Am Not An Entrepreneur.
- Shayne Veramallay